I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
