Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
