I think my fart just growled at me.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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