i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
