He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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