there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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