At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just pee around me
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
