butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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