Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
