Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
