I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
