I wish my penis had an off switch
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize