are you still at the devil's house?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
