You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
