Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
