she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
