When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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