I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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