I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
handjob tips. give me some.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
