Jerry, you need to find god
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
