McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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