His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have already put on my inside pants.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize