Actions speak louder than pants.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
