Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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