New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
