So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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