I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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