you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
