i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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