i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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