i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize