Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
