At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
