Me too!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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