allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
