Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
