The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
