Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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