I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
