Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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