I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
