no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
