so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
