I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize