So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
