yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
