he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
