What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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