FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
