I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize