Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
