I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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