We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize