I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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