Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i've created a new STD.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
