good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
