if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
