i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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