i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
