We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize