Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
