This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
