weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
