i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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