I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
