How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
kristin has been a bad kristin
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
