i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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