a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
