I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's official drugs can't kill me
What drink are we having for lunch?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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