he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize