I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize