just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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