Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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