I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
