OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
