she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
two words...techno handjob
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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