man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
