update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
