Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
