I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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