Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize