I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
