Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Alive.
So much puke
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
