Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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