So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
