So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
