At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
