I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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