I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
