We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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