i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
