So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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