I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
