I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
false alarm. still invincible.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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