Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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