So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
