There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
