we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
