my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
