i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
